The alarm went off at 5:00am and my first reaction was to whine out loud- “why me.” Then I smiled slightly as I reminded myself aloud “this is what YOU asked for.” Yes, I signed up for early morning calls and freezing fingertips and toes and I also signed up for long hours of sitting patiently for something-anything to happen. Plus, 5:00am isn’t really too early, I’ve had much earlier start times.
Of course, this is not all without reward. The second that I capture an image that makes my heart sing, I rejoice in this life I have chosen and thank my lucky stars that I am privileged enough to be able to spend my time doing what I love, and that is being as close as possible to nature and untouched beauty, surrounding myself--no immersing myself in the natural world.
Privileged doesn’t even come close to describing this lifestyle. So, when I hear myself complaining about any one of the sacrifices that I have made to keep myself in the game then I cringe. Yes, I have given up precious time with my family, but not too much time. I try to keep a good balance because my family is extremely important to me. They are the reason I breathe. Without their support and love, I would not be able to explore the world as I do. I would not be content to wait at a site for hours and hours, hoping for a glimpse of a bird or any other creature. But I do realize that they do not need me breathing down their necks every inch of the way and that my daughter needs to spread her wings and parent the way that she feels fit to. So that is my permission, the permission I give myself, to leave and go off into the world and be wherever it is that I need to be to feel whole. And by whole, I mean at peace with myself in a way that only a true nature lover can understand. I know that many of you share and relate to my feelings.
Let’s go back to that 5:00am alarm. It was cold in my room once I stepped out of my blankets. The chill in the air made me immediately think of the outside temperatures and how totally insane I was to get out of my snuggly warm bed. But, as the group leader, under no circumstance could I be late. How would that look to the rest of the group? I checked the time on my phone again and got myself as ready as I could in 15 minutes. Because 15 minutes is all I ever allow myself in the mornings.
Once outside the door, the cold hit me like an unexpected snowball to the face. As I shivered a bit, I started checking out the conditions. I looked towards the sky to see if we had any cloud coverage, and I also checked the wind. I went back inside to get myself a cup of coffee in the lobby. It was weaker than I would have liked, and they didn’t have the raw sugar I wanted but at 5:15am in the middle of nowhere, coffee is coffee.
I met up with the group and we shared a few smiles and groans. I helped a few clients with their gear and reminded everyone to not point their headlamps towards my face <wink>. The sunrise was coming, and as always, I felt we could have been there an extra 10 minutes early. Pre-dawn colors are so appealing to me because of the cooler undertones. Some sunrises are duds, and the colors are blah, but they still signify the start of a new day.
As we all chose our places in the near dark, I was content. Content with the cool crisp air that I was breathing, content with the possibilities to come—even if the sky didn’t light up and give us a show, I knew that we had a chance. And isn’t that what most photo opps end up being… a chance.